When I lose you

I seem to lose myself each day. Each second is a moment for reflection and focus. There is a joy in rediscovering the moment, the fear or losing it, the moment you lose it, and the moment you learn it never leaves. I worry that i'll lose my temper with you, i worry i will think about other women, i worry about so many things. This worry fills my head, and i get scared and remember all the awful things i've done.

Then i remember, i don't have to do them, i remember the pain that was caused by my wrong actions, and i try to remember that there is nothing that one cannot overcome. I think about losing you. I like to think about it. It makes it not so scary. It makes me not afraid to love you. When our bodies die and our bones turn to dust, our dust become the air, becomes the rain. I like to think of the times i will be a blade of grass you will be a cow you and will eat me. I like to think of the times i will be a raindrop you will be a raindrop and we will dance in a puddle for a brief moment. Or two snowflakes that fall slowly by each others side until they touch the ground and melt.

When i lose you i will be sad, i will miss our love, your guidance, your understanding, your goofiness, I will miss everything i love about you. But i will not think only of my misery, but of the love we shared. I will be thankful for the birds in the air, the cold water on my face, the pain that reminds me that i am human. But i cannot lose you, because i will never have you. You will never be mine. You are yours, and i am mine. It's our connection which is so special and our love for each others well being. I do not own anything. What belongs to me? I am master of nothing, i own no one. I do not wish to own you, nor do i wish to make you only happy. I wish only to treat you with love and kindness always. You help me stay honest. But it is worth nothing if i cannot be honest on my own. That's not true, honesty is always valuable no matter what the circumstance. But i'm sure we'd both be happier people the more comfortable we are on our own feet. Things are always shaky though, we are only human, so it's important not to let fear always get in the way. To live is to suffer, to that there is no end if you choose so. I like to choose love. I like loving you. Why are words so confusing and hollow? There are no words for how i feel about you, us, life. But i do like sharing with you. I like to let you know i love you, and that you deserve care and love.