Feeding on fear

I worry at times, about forgetting how to love you.

I feel ashamed, embarrassed. I feel my desire to be loved. I feel my desire to be at peace.

My desires lead me away from you. I sit. I meditate. I am nothing. But i cannot see it.

I get nervous. I feel afraid. I feel myself get angry. My heart pounds. My teeth clench. I stay mindful. I let my feelings consume me.

They pass over like waves. But i am scared. I am fearful of my own mind and my actions.

I desire, i know the hurt i will cause.

I take special care to stay mindful, so i can love you more.

I feel my desire to love you. I feel my desire to be loved.

I am scared that i will give into desires that lead me away from you.

I am scared i will forget i am nothing.

So i sit, and breath. I write to you.