What’s up?

I run. I run and run and run.

I run to you.

You wait for me, I walk up breathless.

Unable to speak, unable to tell you why I am came.

In my haste I left so many things undone, I now cannot be with you.

You walk away. I walk away.

Arrogance

I sit on a train, dancing in my head.

I see a beautiful woman, i feel thankful to see such a beautiful person with my own eyes.

I desire her to look back at me. She does.

She smiles. I feel her smile invites me to her, it warms my heart.

I do not feel alone, i am connected through a warm gesture. I smile back.

I do not move, i do not go to her. I focus myself and try to let go of my desire.

In this process i hurt her, i see she is pained, why would i not go?

I hurt myself, i wish to go to her but i feel i cannot. I get in the way.

Do you give yourself to another simply because they desire you so?

Do you deny them what you could truly give them because of your own desire?

I find myself confused and in pain.

I sit with my pain. I do not judge it. I do not judge myself or her or my desire.

It is hard to sit with this pain. I feel myself trying to run away. I do not know what to do.

I sit, and breath. i feel thankful for the opportunity to learn.

i let my pain stay as long as it needs to, i do not force it away.

i sit and breath. I hear foot steps in the hallway. i write to you.

Annoyance

I am annoyed by myself.

I feel betrayed by myself.

I am annoyed you don't understand. You are annoyed i don't understand.

I like to sit with this annoyance. I let it annoy me.

I realize it is not such a big deal. It is nothing.

I am a nothing.

I am annoyed i take so much.

I am annoyed by desire.

I realize i am human and shall always take.

I am happy there are so many willing to give, i am thankful that i can try to give back.

A confession

You are one of my favorite illusions.

I know i have to let you go. I am sad.

I know there are many ways to love, i am happy.

I know love is not always enough. I am humbled

i am glad to have such a good teacher.

Shopping at the Gap

I see through eyes, and I get trapped in my head.

I'm worried i'll forget and start thinking of my own pleasures.

I do! I see you for you, and me for me. It is painful.

I see us as separate. I see your pain. You see my faults.

It is a hard thing to look at.

I keep a close eye, but i get tired.

I am awoken by your screams.

Alone

I love to play in the ocean, but that too can be dangerous.

I watch my emotions wash over me, sometimes I get great joy playing in the waves.

Often I’m scared, that the waves will be too much for me and I will be swept away.

I sink like a rock. I watch the waves, I am mindful of their power over me.

I realize I am very small. I feel a pain in my heart.

I sit with that pain.

I do not wish for it to leave me. I let it take it’s time.

It teaches me. It leads me back to you.

It lets me love you. It reminds me I am nothing.

How I love to play in the waves, how sad I am when they hurt me.

I realize my desire. I am humbled.

My desire keeps me from you.

I get up and walk to the beach.

I always forget

You're right. I see you as an illusion.

It leads me away from you. How funny!

It leads me away from my work, and back to my unhappiness.

I am sad. I am humbled.

I love to stay mindful. I love to be humbled.

I love to love. :)

I am happy knowing there are so many ways to be joyful. I know i must do things that are painful and difficult.

Thank you for teaching me so well. Thank you for your pain.

Thank you for your honesty and compassion.

I love to tell you how much i love you. I love to think that it makes you feel well. I am sadden when i think of the pain it causes.

So i sit, i breath. I do my work and leave my troubled thoughts behind.